Online dating: good or bad? Should we be using it to find our significant other? @clementonline shares some of his views.
[00:00:00] Hello there and welcome to another episode of unleashed love. My name is Clément Yeung and I’m your host. And today I’m going to talk to you about online dating Tinder, Bumble hinge, you know, the apps, maybe you haven’t even used them before. Maybe you’re thinking about it. And that’s why you’re listening to this. But dating apps are a thing.
Online. Dating is a thing it’s kind of replacing regular dating, just because of. I mean, we weren’t able to go to bars for 12 to 14 months or so to actually meet people or a cafe or a restaurant, whatever, wherever you meet people, school work. And so online dating has become the go-to. Platform and channel for actually having that interaction with other people.
And, you know, there’s, there’s a tragedy to that, but there’s [00:01:00] also some pros as well. I mean, it’s super convenient and that makes a big difference. You get to meet people from the comfort of your own home, who doesn’t want to do that, and you can use it wherever you are. You can have conversations with people wherever you are.
It’s also. Allowing connections to people you would never have normally met. And these are people that would love to be in a relationship with you sometimes. Right? You meet great matches.
So those are two of the major pros of online dating. Let’s talk about a couple of the negatives. I believe. We need to keep our expectations very firmly set in reality. When we get on these platforms and start meeting people, and [00:02:00] I have made that mistake before, in fact, I’ve made that mistake very recently.
It’s easy, especially if you’re lonely, especially if you’re deficient in attention or. Physical touch. If you’re driven to connect with someone and it’s almost a desperation for lack of a better way to describe it. If you really want to have a connection with someone and you’re on an online dating app, you’re very likely to lose your grip on what reality is.
I’ll explain that a bit better than I have. I started talking with someone who seemed like a great match, a great combination with me. And we began talking for well, you [00:03:00] know, I think it lasted for maybe two months before we actually got to meet in person. And in those two months, a lot can happen in your.
So you’re talking about who you are and what your preferences are, what your experiences are, how you see the world, you get into know each other. And it’s really nice and it’s, it can be very romantic and it can be very comforting because you’re seeing all the things you want to see from that person.
You’re only asking them or talking about things that you’re interested in. You’re curating this experience. Without seeing everything that they are, because you can only really do that when you spend time with them in real life. That’s my belief. And so what happened was I had started to project my desires onto this [00:04:00] person, which was unfair because I made them into someone that they couldn’t be like, they literally couldn’t live up.
To the idea that I had of them in my mind. So I’d already lost. And this happened within two months, the way that it would have been fixed would be either to have met them very soon after meeting them on Tinder or matching with them on Tinder, which was not an option because of the lockdown, because of the restrictions on travel and things like that.
To be very careful about high expectations of that person and thinking too much and dreaming too much. So my only option would have been number two to not dream too much about that and to be calm. Now, this is where the whole COVID situation. [00:05:00] It was an issue I had become deficient in. I’m an extrovert.
So I love to have that connection. I love to have that outward touch, that, uh, expression of yourself with someone I need it. It’s just how I work. I’ve always been like that. And I got lonely and depressed this last year. Now I’m not oblivious to the irony that you’re listening to this show for relationship guidance.
And I’m telling you about something that I recently did. Sucked, any person who is out there teaching relationship related advice or material who says that they know exactly how things work and they are always going to do it correctly is lying. I don’t think anyone really says that, but I’m trying to make a point that we’re all going through.
[00:06:00] This thing called life. And we’re all trying to understand how it works and we don’t always have the answers and we make mistakes. That’s what human beings are. We’re imperfect. But the important thing is to recognize when you make the mistake and to be able to come clean with yourself, forgive yourself.
And move on and try not to make that mistake again and maybe help some people on the process. So that’s what this episode is about. That’s what most of the episodes are about that. I’m going to share my own experiences with your about, so I built this huge projection of a person of. Us together, right. Of a future of a, I started a dream.
I started to get ahead of myself and in her defense, she was pretty level-headed about things. She was, she actually once mentioned, you know, maybe we shouldn’t be [00:07:00] so quick to start setting expectations. I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen because I was deficient and I was so sure I was so conscious. That, what we were doing was going to work out. Big mistake.
You can’t know you haven’t even met yet. There’s no way you’re going to be able to know who this person is from. Just speaking to them through the computer or through your phone. There is so much about human communication and interaction that exists outside of the visible of the order. Body language, energy.
And it’s the way that you express yourself. It’s the things that aren’t discussed. It’s the situations that you’re in, where you’re stressed to be. Uh, uh, you’re showing your true colors. [00:08:00] You’re, you’re revealing yourself. Can’t do that easily through social, through online dating apps through. Can’t do it because it’s, it’s a curated experience.
You talk, when you wanna talk, you act the way you want to act. You don’t show people the sides of you that you’re not happy about, but when you actually get to be with that person and spend time with them, that’s when you get to see who they really are and how they really work. So we met up, we dated a couple of times.
In all honesty, things went really well. We both acknowledged that. However, we just hadn’t ever met before. And I think upon meeting, it was clear that yeah, maybe we’re not the best match for each other. Maybe there’s something there that’s missing. And I think it was so sad [00:09:00] for me to get to that point where I built everything.
And now it had to tumble down like a stack of bricks or a house of cards because that’s time and effort and money and emotional investment. And if you’re not careful, you end up taking it out on yourself is if there’s something wrong with you as if there’s something missing that you should have. And no, there’s not, it’s just not the kind of match that you believed.
It was. And you could have learned that earlier by just meeting up sooner and not allowing yourself to build this identity and this future in this projection up. So online dating is great for connecting you with people that could be a good match, but it’s terrible. If you allow yourself to make mistakes, like what I did just recently.
[00:10:00] So if you’re out there and you’re talking with someone for a very long period of time without meeting them first, just remember their tape or your expectations, or organize a date, do it because otherwise you are sabotaging the potential productivity of that unit.
so I hope that helps. I hope that that has been something of value that you listened to. So I hope that that helps. And I hope that that’s been valuable to you. If you have any suggestions on [00:11:00] things you want me to cover, just let me know in the comments. If you’re listening on Instagram or if you’re on YouTube, reach out to us through DM
So I hope that that helps out that has been a value to you. If you want to reach out to me, just DM, send me a message. Go to the website, send us an email and we can be in touch. I’ll see you on the next one. I enjoyed this. Thanks for listening. Take care.
Subscribe for more content like this
Read our blog articles, contact us and more at https://beingresponsible.show.
You can also join our Clubhouse rooms by visiting https://bit.ly/3sWNEeh.
If you’re interested in being a part of our #DiaryOfAWoman interview series and tell your story, please book a session with Clément here:
Lastly if you’re looking for help with your mental health or relationship and you’d like to talk with Clément, you can book a consultation here: